Day 214 - 217: The Gold Coast

(I completely missed out the Steve Irwin Zoo from my last blog post. It's now been updated and can be seen here.)

When we were in Vietnam we'd met an Australian mother and daughter, Karin and Helen, on the Ha Long Bay trip, and they'd kindly invited us to stay with them when we got to the Gold Coast. We got in touch and - even though it was Mother's Day in Oz - Helen told us to come along and join them for a family dinner. We drove down to Helen and her boyfriend Andrew's house, not too far from Surfer's Paradise, and went in convoy to her parents' place. Helen's parents live on a farm in NAME OF PLACE?? and have a wonderful farmhouse with three dogs. With true Australian hospitality, Karin pressed a glass of wine into our hands, and told Helen to take us out on a quad bike to have a look around the farm and adjoining fields. You may think that wine and quad bikes don't make a good combination; look upon the following photos and be proven wrong!





It had been a long time since I'd ridden a quad bike (or "four-wheeler" as they're called over there), and I'd forgotten how much fun it was to whizz around on one. Gilly had never driven one before at all, so it was even more novel for her. We sped around some fields, much to the bemusement of the resident kangaroos, before stopping at a chicken house. There are three huge houses on the farm, each of them containing thousands of chickens:



Even though I was born in a farming county, I'd never seen a hen house like this before. I think Andrew said there were over 10,000 hens in each house (I may be mistaken); that's a lot of eggs. They had a bit of room to move around so weren't completely cooped up - or worse, caged. And they looked tasty. We drove back to the house and I whipped up some of my World Famous Yorkshire Puddings to go with Karin's roast, which were a totally alien concept for the Aussie crew, but seemed to go down pretty well. Mama and Papa Swift made us feel completely at home, and ensured we were well fed and watered for our entire stay which was much appreciated. We stayed overnight, and said goodbye to Karin early the following morning.



One of the main attractions on the Gold Coast for us were the theme parks. There are a number of them dotted around the area, but we settled on Dreamworld and its sister park Whitewater World as they were pretty close to Helen's and had a number of decent rides between them. Dreamworld is home to the world's largest freefall drop, appropriately named The Giant Drop:





This was probably my favourite ride; you're lifted up to a crazy height of 119m and then the ride just pauses, giving you ample time for the suspense to drive you slightly loopy before the whole thing just drops and it feels like the floor has fallen away from you and you plummet, yelling in utter terror before the brakes kick in and slow you down. And then you get off, and do the whole thing again. There were plenty of great rides in Dreamworld, and in my opinion it was a lot better than Alton Towers or any of the many UK theme parks we'd been to.



Even the obligatory fast food court was decent, as long as you didn't mind being watched by a dozen hungry birds. Tip: don't leave your food unattended at any time. The ibises have worked out how to open every fast food carton, box and cup and aren't shy about their hunger.



Aside from the usual thrill rides, there was an animal section in Dreamworld and we found this chap on the path soaking up the sun:



The park is also home to a rare and beautiful white tiger:



The great thing about visiting the parks in winter is that most of the locals consider it too cold to visit (especially the water park) so both places are practically deserted. We were able to walk straight onto almost every wide - no queueing for 2 hours at a time here! We got back to Helen's in the evening, feeling exhausted (G-Force has that effect) and found that Helen, Andrew and two of Andrew's three brothers were putting home-made pizza on for us. Paul and Fi also joined us in the evening and a great time was had by all, in true Milton fashion.

The next day was similar to the previous one, except this time we went to Whitewater World and got very wet. Thankfully the sun stayed out all day, as the temperature was approaching a level of coldness we weren't that used to after seven months in the sun. Regardless, the water rides were excellent - especially the Super Tubes Hydrocoaster which used magnets to pull you uphill in a two-berth dinghy at an incredible speed before chucking you down water tubes. We decided to return the favour that evening and after a visit to a local Coles, cooked a Thai curry for Helen, Andrew and Simon which worked out surprisingly well (especially the prawn crackers).

Sadly, we had to leave the following day and carry on down the Gold Coast. Paul and Fi had a tight timescale and had to meet one of Fi's relatives in Sydney sooner than our expected arrival, so had left the day before when we were in the water park. We said goodbye to Helen, Andrew and Simon, and set off for Surfer's Paradise. This wasn't high on our places to visit, as it was just another beach - albeit one with highrise blocks overlooking it.



After a brief stroll, we carried on to Byron Bay. Cape Byron has a lighthouse (not accessible to the public) which overlooks a bay that whales can often be seen from as they migrate each year.







There are also parrots a-plenty in the trees around the area.



It was a lovely place to visit, made even better by the Byron Bay Cookies we found in a local shop. The caravan park we stayed in that evening had a heap of amenities, not least an inflatable pillow and a mini-golf course. We wrapped up well, as the evenings were definitely starting to cool down, and gave them both a go.





Our inexorable drive south was to continue the next day towards Coffs Harbour.

Day 209 - 213: Onward to Brisbane

Travel was the order of the day, or rather, the next few days. We needed to make decent headway down the coast as there was a lot to pack in, and Australia was not going to get any smaller. After leaving Airlie Beach behind, we spent the next day travelling through Mackay and on to Rockhampton, but not without a much-awaited visit to a Mackay cinema to see The Avengers.

 I'm a huge Joss Whedon fan. Like most Joss Whedon fans I suspect, I don't think he's been given a particularly fair time in Hollywood. Most genre fans will be familiar with the Firefly cancellation debacle, his contribution to the film scripts of Alien Resurrection, Buffy and Titan A.E. wee altered significantly, and the promotion for his Firefly spin-off Serenity was noticeable in its absence. Respect appeared seriously lacking, but that will all change now. The Avengers is a masterpiece of comic-book film-making. Having taken four different Marvel franchises (Thor, The Incredible Hulk, Captain America and Iron Man)- all of which had successful films - he was tasked with somehow giving equal screentime to the main players, making the plot cohesive and, most importantly, making it an enjoyable experience. It's fair to say The Avengers succeeded on every level, and given that the film is now the third highest grossing movie ever made ($1.46 billion and counting), Mr. Whedon can finally rest easy that Hollywood is going to take notice. Incidentally, if you haven't seen the film yet, do so. We met up with Colin and Julie from the Whitsundays trip in the evening, as they happened to pick the same free camping spot as us, so a huge bowl of spaghetti bolognese and much wine were in order.



We headed along to the Capricorn Coast the next day, via Emu Park. This town is best known for its Singing Ship monument, and little else. However, we tracked down the obligatory museum (well, not so much "tracked down" as "happened to park outside and decided to have a look), and were greeted by an enthusiastic retiree called Peter who proceeded to waive the fee to look around the place, gave us tea and biscuits, and demonstrated some of the tools used on the railway lines to lay tracks.



It seems like politics is alive and well in Emu Park, as Peter told us that a rival committee wanted to take over the running of the museum. I'm not quite sure why, there's not really that much to see; it looks like an octogenarian's storage room, full of bric-a-brac, faded photos and unidentifiable things in jars. I felt quite sorry for the guy; he'd been made redundant from a factory he'd worked at most of his life, and due to his age was deemed unhireable by most employers, so was living on Australia's benefits system and volunteering at the museum. It seemed like a pretty lonely job for a single old man. He had a huge passion for Triumph motorbikes and took the one he built himself out on the road from time to time.

We left the museum behind and went up to the Singing Ship monument. This is named for the noise the wind makes as it passes through the monument's circular tubes, a clever feat of engineering.



Leaving Emu Park, we had to stop off for lunch and where better than at Kershaw Gardens. I wasn't aware that I owned any gardens in Australia, perhaps I should have a word with my estate manager. I'm pleased with what my gardener has done, though.







1770 and Agnes Water were the destinations the next day. 1770 is a town built on the site of the second landing of James Cook. Originally known as Round Hill, its name was changed in 1970 to mark the bicentennial anniversary of the landing. There really isn't much there aside from a few plaques and a nice view.



Agnes Water has even less to offer, other than a passable beach which obviously paled in comparison to Whitehaven which was still fresh in our minds.



Needless to say, we zipped through both places as time was pressing and drove on to Bundaberg. Home to the famed Bundaberg rum factory, we considered taking a tour...until we saw the price. None of us were that keen on rum.



Another night in a caravan park, and we were at the Steve Irwin Zoo (or Australia Zoo as it is officially known) early the next morning. I think we were spoiled by the Billabong Sanctuary, as our visit to the zoo was a day of disappointment and frustration. Aside from ticket costs being three times the price of our earlier brush with wildlife, we'd heard nothing but good things from people about the late zookeeper's former business. We were greeted on entry by a family bronze; it looked like Steve would have preferred wearing sunglasses so I obliged.



Before I talk about the zoo, here are a selection of snaps from the day:















The zoo is split into various continents, complete with their respective inhabitants. There are a number of shows throughout the day including a croc show, snake talk, bird show, tiger show, elephant feeding, and so on. There are also areas where you can stroll through and interact with the animals, such as two large kangaroo parks containing red and grey kangaroos. The animals seemed pretty healthy and well-cared for, which was good to see. The zoo has been in the hands of Irwins for years, and after inheriting it from his parents Steve, his wife and his brood turned it into a "larger than life" attraction, complete with cheesy shows, in-yer-face signage, and information boards bordering dangerously close to patronising.

This I can handle. Zoos are meant to be child-friendly, and this one was no exception. However, there are certain things that the zoo categorically failed at doing.

1.) If you're going to put on a shuttle service between areas, put up a timetable. We spent the best part of an hour waiting around for various trains throughout the day. It wouldn't have been a problem if we could walk everywhere, but the "Africa" section of the zoo was only accessible by train.

2.) Following on from the first point, if you need to close areas of the zoo, at least make it clear. We were told you couldn't walk to "Africa" but at the end of the day the path was opened up. It made no sense - no work was going on that we could see, but routes around the zoo were arbitrarily opened and closed at various intervals, without warning.

3.) Provide up to date maps. The ones we were given had incorrect show times, out-of-date information about the areas to visit, and was pretty much useless. Upon asking at the gate on the way out of the zoo, we were told that "all of the old maps had to be given out, as we have a backlog to get rid of." So the best thing to do in order to enhance the experience of the visitor is provide them with something that has no relevance to the place they are visiting? Brilliant.

4.) Hire more park staff. If you're going to give people duff maps, at least make people available to ask for directions once you end up in a completely different place than expected. I've never been to a zoo that had so few workers on hand, and the size of the park is not inconsiderable.

5.) Stop the irritating self-promotion. Unlike its unfortunate father, Brand Irwin is alive and well in the zoo and is thrust at you from all angles to the point of creepiness. Irwin's son squeaks out various zoo-related songs over the tannoy on an endless loop which I can only assume can also be heard by unfortunate souls occupying the many Circles of Hell (the CD is available to buy in the shop, natch). His daughter, Bindi, is plastered everywhere from signage, to videos shown during the shows, to - most disturbingly - dolls which can be found in the gift shop. That's right, you can buy a Bindi doll (or several if you desire) complete with accessories, modeled on a hyperactive teen whose only claim to fame is being the daughter of two crazy parents. The shameless self-publicity would make even Katie Price blush.

Could I recommend the zoo? No. There are chances to see some pretty rare creatures such as red pandas and the Aldabra Giant Tortoise - the world's largest - and you have the chance to feed elephants and pet koalas and kangaroos, but there's nothing here that stands out as essential if you've visited any truly interesting zoos like Singapore or the Billabong Sanctuary. The shows are OK but somewhat sterile, and the whole place is more like a theme park that just happens to contain animals instead of rides. At the end of the day, this is how I felt:


A real shame.

So, after a half day's travel we arrived in Brisbane. It's a much-maligned city compared to its more cosmopolitan "neighbours" of Sydney and Melbourne, but it is supposedly the hub of Australia's music scene and a decent place in its own right. We didn't really find out if that was the case; after trying to negotiate the horrendous one-way system in the city and becoming more and more frustrated at the lack of available and reasonably-priced parking, we ended up parking in the arts centre and having a look around GOMA (the Gallery of Modern Art). In fairness, it was excellent and had a large and diverse range of exhibits, some pretentious, some straightforward, most of them interesting.





That aside, we decided not to stay around in Brisbane much longer and carried on down the coast to the next holiday park. Weekends are perhaps not the best time to visit any city so I can't be too harsh on the place, and it's certainly somewhere I'd come to again if we visited Australia sans campervan, if only to see which bands were playing.

Day 207 - 208: The Whitsundays - Hammer Time!

We got up at some ungodly hour and dropped the van off at the backpackers' before walking over to the pier, where our vessel awaited: the sailing yacht, Hammer. This was a champion yacht, winning many sailing competitions in its time before it was retired from professional racing in favour of more recreational use. 



From the outside, it didn't look like much and we were unsure how it was going to fit 19 customers plus crew below deck. We needn't have worried; whilst not quite Tardis-eque, the yacht had a surprising amount of space.

After a tour around and introduction to the crew (Mick the skipper and Dale, with another being picked up en route), it was time to set off from Abel Point Marina and get stuck into sailing the Hammer. As there were only three crewmen, it was necessary for some of us to help raise the sails. I'm no sailor, but I've learned that you can do pretty much everything that needs to be done on a yacht by pulling one rope really hard until a bloke tells you to stop. Gilly and Paul took the first shift whilst Fi and I handled the important task of sunbathing.



If you've never been on a racing yacht before, it's a little different to a catamaran. The boat is built for speed, so you're not going to get too much comfort on the deck. Firstly, forget sunloungers and cocktails; you'll be too busy making sure you don't smack your head on the mainsail mast as it swings around. Secondly, in order to get up to a decent speed, the yacht sails at an angle. This is usually between 30 - 40 degrees but when they're racing along, it can get up to almost 90 degrees with the sail nearly touching the waves.



We collected our third crew member - Chopper - from the Young Endeavour on the way.



Lunch was self-service with sandwiches, salad and quiche prepared by Dale. The water was practically dead calm and there wasn't a cloud in sight. Mick said that we'd picked a fantastic couple of days to come on a cruise as the weather was likely to remain as good for the rest of the trip.

We'd stopped in Cataran Bay, which was a decent stop to do some snorkelling. Even after a significant number of dives, I'm still no good at snorkelling. I'm not sure if it's to do with the mask, the lack of pressure to keep it glued to my face, or a combination of both. Every time I took a look underwater, the mask would fill within 20 seconds. Despite that, I managed to take a few shots with our cheap disposable underwater camera from Laos, which may or may not turn out OK. After about an hour we were starting to turn wrinkly, so came back to the boat for an afternoon snack of some fantastic nachos.

After some more cruising, it was starting to get dark so we pulled into Tongue Bay for the evening. We'd only brought a 2 litre box of wine with us unfortunately, so a crazy party was off the cards. That didn't stop us all having a great time and making some new friends, in particular Colin and Julie from Ireland, James from England, and Sam, Guillaume and Lola from France.

Sleeping on the boat was easier than expected. Planted as we were in a bay, and with little to no movement on the water, it wasn't difficult to drift off to sleep - even if the mattresses were those plastic-coated kind that you only really see larger versions of in the sports cupboard at school.

The next morning after a decent breakfast we set off to Whitehaven Beach. The walk up to the beach was interesting in itself, as we spotted this huge lizard hugging a tree.



The first sight of it once you climb up through the trees and reach the pinnacle of the hill overlooking it is breathtaking.





The sea is home to stingrays happily swimming in the shallow waters along with some lemon sharks, both of which you can go and swim with. Steve Irwin aside, stingrays are fairly docile and won't bother you as long as you don't box them in or kick them in the head. Similarly, lemon sharks aren't bothered about humans.




The beach is as close to paradise as you can get. Perfect white, cool sand (something like 99.5% fine silica), a wonderful breeze and not a fag end in sight. The things I dislike most about beaches are a) the sand getting *everywhere* and b) the heat-retention of the sand making it too hot to lie or even walk on. Thanks to the consistency of the sand on Whitehaven, neither of these are an issue.




Due to the time of year, you have to wear stinger suits for safety if you want to go swimming. Box jellyfish are sometimes found in the area, and they can be fatal if you're unlucky enough to be stung, though it's more of a precaution on behalf of the sailing crew than any real likelihood of danger.

I can honestly say that Whitehaven is the best beach I've ever been to; it's obvious why it wins so many awards. We spent a good 3 hours there in excellent weather and swam with a few stingrays but didn't see any lemon sharks, sadly. As you can tell, everyone enjoyed the trip:



Funnily enough, I was suffering from a cold through the entire trip so I was probably the only one on the beach in 24 degree weather who was sneezing and sniffling. Despite this, the time to return to the boat came up a lot faster than expected, and we reluctantly left Whitehaven behind, and took the 4 hour journey back to the mainland. On the way, we found out that Francois Hollande had become the new French PM which went down very well with our new French friends. Paul also became a temporary captain on the way, and took the wheel for a while:



We'd only ever really done one "relaxing" cruise before, in Skiathos. The Whitsundays were another level: sublime surroundings, crystal clear turquoise water and not a wave in sight. I can't really say I'm a boat person, but I couldn't fault anything with the trip in respect of my lack of sea legs; it was as enjoyable as I'm ever going to get without jumping onto a huge P+O ferry (which is unlikely to happen - too many people for my liking).

We returned to Airlie Beach Backpackers around mid-afternoon for a well-deserved shower followed by some excellent fish and chips, before returning to Flametree Park in the evening.