Monday, May 23, 2005

Those fizzy little bubbles

I'm sipping away at new Tango Clear (a Lemon and Kiwi sugar-free alternative), and it's pretty damn tasty. Allegedly made from the juice of real Kiwis, I never imagined that I would find the taste of blended New Zealanders so appealing. I saw an advert for Fanta Z on a bus stop today and it took me 20 minutes to work out that the name was supposed to be a pun on the word "Fantasy". The problem is that when you're a Brit and say "Z" as "zed", the cleverness doesn't really work. Plus it's got those new controversial ads where people try the old Diet Fanta (or Fanta Light for our trans-Atlantic friends) and spit it out. SHOCK! DISMAY! Surely this is teaching our young ones that it's permissible to spit?!?!?! Gosh! And what about those KFC adverts that clearly teach them it's fine to talk with your mouth full? Since Mary Whitehouse complained her way off this mortal coil, the standard of advertising has gone down the pan, right? Well...actually no. People are so entrenched in the dual banes of compensation culture and political correctness these days that they will use any possible reason to gain a few extra quid. "That advert made my son ill, and now he refuses to go to school!". No, love, you're just a lazy parent who can't be bothered to take responsibility for your undisciplined little brat. It's got bugger all to do with what they saw on TV, in much the same way that video games don't breed killers. If some whining middle-class twit of a mother comes crying to the Daily Mail about how disgraceful it is that 12-year old little Kevin has turned into a sullen, aggressive hoody-wearing yob since she gave Grand Theft Auto: Vice City to him for his birthday, maybe she should be dealt with by social services for supplying an age-restricted item to a minor. Yes, there is mature content. Yes, there is violence and swearing. But yes, there is a huge sodding 18 certificate plastered all over the damn box. Get a grip and take some responsibility.

Anyway, after that little side-rant, back to the soft drinks. Fanta Z - where people spit out old Fanta and fall in love with the new one. Hmm. So basically what you're saying there is "Our last product was complete shite, even though we have the might of a huge multi-national corporation behind us. But this one? This one is ACE. Trust us." Yeah...umm...ok. If you don't have confidence in your own products, why should I? It's like washing powder. They bring out Daz, and show how white clothes get compared to Brand X. Not a stain in sight. Then they bring out Daz Ultra, and compare it to Daz. Lo and behold - there's a huge fricking STAIN on the clothes washed in old Daz, but Daz Ultra is shiny and white. Wait a second, so you LIED in your last advert about how good your product is? Is that what you're saying? I think it is. Now where is that phone number for Watchdog? I feel the need to get some compensation for my ruined clothes.

So yeah, this Tango Clear stuff. Pretty nice.

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